Saturday, November 18, 2006

Break up via e-mail?

One of my favorite shows of all time is "Sex And The City". This week, my life paralleled eerily close to the episode in which Berger breaks up with Carrie via a Post-It note. I guess I should feel a little better than Carrie did, because at least mine was done via an e-mail...at least he utilized technology to commit the cowardly act.

I can certainly understand the "Dear John" and "Dear Jane" letters of long distance wartime correspondence, but geez, if you are anywhere within a 50 mile radius there should be NO excuse for not sitting down face to face and talking it through. If the relationship had any value to it at all, then it deserves that in the very least, just to honor each other's feelings.

But no. In the electronic age, we no longer have to face our fears, we can have online dating, a "virtual" relationship, cybersex, and break up electronically without ever having to have human contact. Berger had to at least make the effort to pick up a pen, write his message, and stick the Post-It note on Carrie's computer screen. In an e-mail breakup, there's only typing a few words and clicking "Send". A neat and tidy way to break a heart without all of that emotional muss 'n fuss that gets in the way.

I will be 40 in a couple of months. I've often thought that my age group straddles the line between the ways of our parent's generation and before, and this whole new age of going about our lives. Thirty years ago, we didn't have the conveniences that can keep a person from having human interaction for days on end. I don't think the way technology is being used in the relationship arena is a good thing. For today, I long for the former days where you had to look into each other's sad, angry, tearful eyes and say what you have to say...and see the consequences of your words and actions first hand.

9 comments:

Kathy T. said...

Okay, first of all I'm very sorry you have to go through it. Secondly, he's an ass and you're lucky he's out of your life! Hang tough, Ginger... maybe he'll fall down some stairs and break an arm or something.

John H said...

I'm really sorry, Ginger. I know that I've done cowardly things in my past, so I don't want to be a big hypocrite here, but this person is a coward, and you deserve so much better.

take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if I am better off or worse off. I got dumped last Monday in a voice mail.

Sharon Cobb said...

I got dumped in an instant message last year.

Sounds like your guy was/is a jerk and you'll be better off without him.

At least you didn't get caught smoking a doobie like Carrie did!

Jamie said...

I'm so sorry. A college boyfriend once broke up with me over the phone and I thought that was bad.

I find myself not sending as many "real" cards or just sending a quick e-mail rather than picking up the phone and I'm trying to get better about staying in touch with friends the old fashioned way.

What a jerk... Take care and I hope your weekend gets better.

Jamie said...

p.s. SITC is one of my favorite shows too!

Also I hope someone breaks this jerk's heart via a text message or some equally heartless method.

Michael said...

I can't say I've always been the best at the break-up myself and I can't say I'm not guilty of what you've described. But as I've matured, I've tried to at least be a gentleman about it. I think the biggest thing is both sides have to be honorable about it.

In a way, it's kind of like the rule of quitting a job--you should give two weeks notice or else your new job can dump you uncereminiously. I think it's the same with a break-up...if you treat her like garbage or without honor, you can expect to have it happen to you at some point. And you will totally deserve it.

Cookie said...

Ginger,

You deserve so much better than this. I am sorry. I wish I was there so I could fix you a casserole and some bread sticks. We would sit and talk about all the a$$ hole things people do.

your pal, Cookie
(you know...a Ginger, also)

Lynnster said...

Ginger, I'm so sorry and I feel ya on this one. One relationship several years ago ended with an e-mail, but to his credit, we were in a long distance relationship anyway and 99% of our communication when we weren't together in person was in e-mail so I guess it didn't bother me as much with him as it might have with some other guy.

Another one a couple of years later - well, it was a combination of e-mail and a phone call, and it was a long distance relationship as well... but at least I did get a phone call that time, I guess.

If either of these guys had been local or semi-local, tho - I would have been ready to tar and feather 'em I think. They got a pass because they lived pretty far away but that's the only reason I cut them any slack at all there.

Anyway, know that you're not totally alone on this and I am sorry you're going thru it. Like John said, that guy's a coward, totally. Hang in there.